Barely Breathing
by The Girl in the Red Jacket
Summary: What do you do when there's no more love? mm The song is 'Barely Breathing' by Duncan Sheik. Tommy is a bit OOC in this one to warn you ahead of time.


Disclaimer: I own nothing. 

Author's Note: Well, I have two endings to this. In one, the opposite of what happened at the end happens. I wrote both endings and then my wonderful beta, Mandi, picked the one she liked best. So any death threats can be sent to her, right Mandi? ;-)

**Edited to add: Another songfic where the lyrcis have been removed. The song is Barely Breathing but I don't remember who it's by. **

Barely Breathing

"I don't understand why you're doing this!" Tommy yelled, flinging a stack of text books sitting on the table to the floor.

Jason stood calmly, watching his lover take his anger out on the books. When they fought Tommy tended to destroy things. Cups, dishes, a window, the living room… and Jason would stand there, the calm in the middle of a hurricane.

But Tommy never hit him.

It sometimes struck Jason as funny, in a weird sort of way, that Tommy would destroy their living room but he would cut his own arm off before he struck someone else in anger. The one time Jason had gotten hurt in one of Tommy's tirades, when he stepped on a piece of glass from a shattered cup, it had stopped everything.

That had been the last sign Jason had had that Tommy actually cared about him.

* * *

Jason had known about the affair for awhile. It hadn't surprised him all that much. Tommy had been so distant for such a long time… He just hadn't thought he would do that. He had thought what they had was better than that.

But when he found the letters, well, he couldn't really ignore it. Now all he could think of was how he couldn't have seen it.

Tommy always had had a thing for blue-eyed blonds.

* * *

Jason had kicked him out, told himself he would never take him back, sworn to himself he wouldn't let Tommy hurt him again.

That hadn't lasted too long the first time.

He still loved the bastard then, and he didn't know why.

For awhile things were good. Tommy would be like he used to be for awhile then he'd take too long getting home from the dojo every night. He'd say he was going to see Adam about finances and Adam would call while he was out and ask them to dinner.

It didn't last long the second time he kicked Tommy out either.

* * *

Now… Jason wasn't sure what they were doing. Tommy also made such a fuss when he finally reached the end of his rope and told him to get out but Jason knew the truth.

There was no love in his eyes anymore.

He wasn't sure when it had gone out or even if Tommy loved the guy he was cheating with. He had a nasty feeling that Tommy would have left by now if his boyfriend on the side was willing to leave his own long-time lover. But apparently he wasn't because Tommy would always come back, swearing it was the last time, professing his love.

Yeah, right.

Jason wasn't sure when it had happened but Tommy had stopped loving him. This was just a habit now, a safety zone.

And it wasn't only one for Tommy.

* * *

He had his own secret now. One he wasn't about to let Tommy know.

He had kissed Billy yesterday.

He wasn't sure how it had happened. Oh, he had had a crush on Billy for most of his adolescence, since he had figured out he didn't like girls, and sometimes he had gotten a half-hopeful impression that Billy might like him that way, only his friend wasn't ready to admit it to himself.

Then he'd met Tommy. Tommy had been… well, interested in him as well as having a lot more positive traits. So there were a few negative ones, so what? Jason had fallen in lust for the then Green Ranger, and had mistaken it for love.

Lust, at first, but love later, for both of them, or at least he though at one point Tommy had loved him. He wasn't so sure anymore.

He'd given up the dream of those sea-change eyes and lost himself in the whirlwind of a relationship he had with Tommy, still had… sort of…

* * *

Tommy was still ranting, still tearing apart their kitchen but Jason's mind was elsewhere. He couldn't remember what he had gone over to Billy's for originally, whether Billy had called him or he had gone over looking for something... most likely advice or comfort. Billy was his best friend, he always listened, no matter how many times he ignored Billy's advice and let Tommy come back.

He had been stretched out on the big, puffy, far too comfortable couch, he hadn't been getting much sleep lately and Billy had noticed, just talking to his friend. Then he blinked and it was dark outside.

He just lay there for awhile, feeling... good, warm, for the first time in awhile. He was covered by a quilt his mother had made Billy ages ago; it was tucked around him, keeping him warm, making him feel... he didn't know.

His eyes flickered to the only light in the room, where Billy sat, a book in his hands, reading. Jason wondered how long he had been there and felt something tug at his heart at the thought of Billy watching over him as he slept.

And there was that feeling again... he just couldn't put his finger on it...

He moved a bit and Billy looked up, smiling at him. Jason had to swallow and remind himself to breathe. "I guess I was more tired than I thought."

"So it would seem," Billy replied, putting his book down. "I ordered pizza while you were obtaining your required amount of beauty sleep. It is in the oven."

"Thanks. How much do I owe you?" Jason was ready for the scoff at his words but he always offered. Rubbing a hand over his face he realized he wasn't wearing a watch. "What time is it?"

"A little over eight. You needed the sleep." Billy's eyes caught and searched his almost gently. He sighed, "You cannot keep this up much longer Jason."

Jason looked away, not willing to exam all the feelings Billy was churning up inside him. He just whispered, "I know."

* * *

It happened when Billy was taking the pizza out of the oven. He hadn't bothered getting oven mitts, just grabbed a dish towel. He didn't notice it didn't cover his hand entirely and he pulled his hand away from hot pan with a yelp, part of the palm singed angry red.

Jason had caught him by the rest, and stuck the burnt palm under the skin, flicking the cold water on quickly. One hand had kept hold of Billy's wrist, the other arm moved across his back to rub his shoulder gently, instinctively going to comfort his... friend.

Billy had looked at him, the green eyes seeming to drink him in and then...

They had kissed but it had been so much more than that.

Jason didn't know who had made the first move. All he knew was their lips had pressed together and something had broken inside him.

He was the one to deepen the kiss, opening his mouth and letting Billy's tongue overwhelm him. He had kissed back, needing it so much he felt like he wouldn't be able to exist when they parted.

His arms wrapped around Billy's waist, pulling him close. One of Billy's hands, Jason's mind foggily realized it was the burnt one, he could feel the water seeping through his shirt, rested against his back, and the other had tangled gently in his hair.

Billy's tongue explored his mouth almost frantically at first, as if he was afraid Jason would suddenly pull away from him. When he didn't, when he kissed him back like Billy's mouth was nourishment and he was a starving man, Billy slowed, taking his time.

Eventually, they had to pull away for want of air and Jason moaned at the lost contact. His hands fisted in Billy's shirt, trying to keep him there, needing to keep him there. Billy had no intention of going. He had barely sucked in a breath before he was kissing Jason again, tasting him, devouring him.

Jason felt himself start to tremble when they parted for a second time. Nearly gasping for air, he moaned softly as Billy sprinkled kisses all over his face, across his jaw, at his temple, against his tightly shut, quivering eyelids, as if trying to mark all of his skin with his touch in case he never got the chance again.

Then the lips returned to his mouth, and Jason gave himself up to the kiss. He leaned into Billy, feeling tears begin to trickle down his cheeks and tightened his grip, tightening his hold. The kiss turned gentle, tender, and when they had to part Billy pulled Jason to him, guiding his head to rest against his shoulder as Jason began to cry.

Jason never cried. He hadn't since he was a child but he couldn't...

He clutched at Billy's shirt, beginning to sob as Billy help him gently, holding him close, trying to sooth away the pain as Jason gasped for air between his sobs.

* * *

Jason looked at the man in front of him. Tommy's face was flushed from his shouting but, Jason noticed, his eyes were moist. Maybe he realized that this was the most serious Jason had ever been about leaving him for good.

He thought about his long relationship with Tommy, the good times they had spent together, all their history, pleasant and painful. He thought about all the things they had shared, they still shared, they would always share.

He thought of Billy, those sea-change eyes, the touch, the overwhelming taste, of his lips. His first crush, his best friend always... Oh God...

Tommy was staring at him, staring right though his troubled, pain-filled dark eyes. It should have been easy but it wasn't. Either way it hurt so much...

* * *

It was late when Billy pulled the door open, finding Jason standing outside with a suitcase in his hand. Jason tried to say something, anything, but all he could do was shrug, and make a failed attempt at a smile.

He quickly found himself wrapped in and embrace and he searched for Billy's lips, wanting, needing, to enflame his senses with his... he didn't know yet. Friend, he knew, but he wanted so much more than that.

Billy understood.


End file.
